Brazil and its gorgeousness

Some facts Ive learnt about Brazil so far.

1. The Language

ok so hands up who thought Brazilians spoke Spanish?! ME!
Nope people, just when I was starting to grasp the espanol anguage in South America, I arrive in the biggest city in south america Sao Paolo with my little Éspanol handbook to hand and fresh off the flight from Peru, Im straight in with ´hombre, donde esta el hotelo, por favor´. Yer one in the airport looks at me with the whole hmmm hmmm ricky lake shaking the finger ´u takin to me´ .
Mal then turns to me and says eh love, its portugese here. WTF?

Since last week, Ive learnt as follows:
Muite Obrigada (thanks a lot), Oi (Hello), Cerveza (beer) and Rodovario (Train station).
Everything else I just smile or in desperate situations just laugh and then leg it. They kinda understand you if you speak spanish to them but they´re so not about speaking anything else other than their own language.  yeah yeah Portugese Colonialism blah blah and all that. Sure its only 1500 years of history. That doesnt hep my cause when I need the el toileto. And Fast-o.

2. Brazlian Beauty or should I say booootay.

Supermodel Gisele Bunchen comes from Brazil and I braced myself that I would unblessed amongst women...... I literally was expecting everyone to look like her. I spotted a couple of complete and absolute stunners just walking by (model scouts, where are you?) but for the majority, they´re normal. Now one thing I did realise is why the Brazilians are so sexy and gorgeous and its cause there are so many races in this country and feck all racism with what I´ve seen. Stunning skin colour as a result making Sue OD  fairly paschty beside them...... Now interestingly enough and listen up here chicks, Brazilian chicks are normal to ever so slightly on the LARGE size. BOOTay. Go ricky, go ricky......Whatsmore, they love showing their rotond bellies in tops that are about 2 sizes too small. Having said that, chicks here ooze confidence and the sexiness shines through. They really dont care less which is liberating. Ill have that big mac so.

Blokes on the other hand....ah here, where so I start? Two words - budgy smugglers.
The couple of times Mal and I got to the beach, lets just say Mal loved the views. Me on the other hand, ah I was digusted. Sure I couldnt keep a straight face. Blokes wore the schmallest, teenchiest, bright colored briefs. Nothing was left to the imagination in an oh so untastful manner. The mingers.

3. Rio
Ahhhhhh Rio. We loved it. You need at least 4 days here, there is just so much to do and see. We did everything we possibly could. We stayed at Copacabana Beach (her name was Lola) in a Hostel (boooo) and did as much as we could. So what kinda stuff?

Christ the Redeemer Statue.
You know the image that we´ve seen loads of times before of Christ on the top of the mountain overlooking the city. Well we decided that we would deffo go and see it seeing as were there. So we did and ´caught a local bus (check us out!) and then the tram up to the statue. We were lucky that it happend to be a gorgeous day so the views were savage. There was a little cute church on the top of the mountain so I popped in to say thanks. 

Local Footie game.
Local Rio team Vasgo de Gama vs Sao Paolos~Corinthians
(Roberto Carlos plays for this side, so Mal told me)
Right, so I´m no massive football game (although I do get the offside rule) but was actually really really cool to go. Jesus the place went nuts. Brazilians and their footie. The crowds zoned in on one player and when he went off early, he turned to our side of the crowd and gave us the bird. Brilliant! They place went bonkers. Bought a Vasgo hat as a souvenir which ill give Paul D my cousin when I see him in Sydney next week. Lucky Paul, I know.

Handgliding.
Apparently handgliding is the thing to do in Rio so Mal and I decided to fork out a good few bob to run like mentlers off a roof about 800 feet up above Rio. I got kitted up in the gear and my training consisted of running as fast as I could with my hand on some dudes shoulder for about 5 metres on the ground. He said `velly good suzan, you are ready now to fly´. Erm thanks carlos me amigo.

Carlos was a bit of a hippy head wrecker saying stuff like`ah susan, let us have the best flight ever with good energy. And, you are not from dublino, you are from earth like me`....I didnt really care what tripe he was coming out with so long as he got me on that beach in one piece. Anyway, true to our `training´, we crept up onto the roof (see video!!) and without saying a word, we legged it. I pictured myself in the Community Games in Santry stadium, except this time I wasnt coming last (ah bless). 5 seconds later as we took off (!), I got that funny fluttering feeling of weightlessness and was pretty amazing to be honest. Carlos was busy pulling a few strings (literally) so I took in the views. Again the cheeseball was like Hey Suzan, you know Avatar 3D? Yes......ok lets do 4 D. Ah cringe......Still, once yer man shut up, I loved it and  the journey lasted about 20 mins. Landed on 2 feet on a nearby beach and was a great thing to do (once!)

Favela Tour.....now guys, THAT was an experience.
For those who dont know, a`Favela` is a shanty town and believe it or not Rio was amongst the first places in the world to develop these shanty towns. Mal and I have been to Soweto in South Africa which was pretty grim but we just couldnt believe it when we got to a place called Rochinho, one of the biggest Favelas in Rio.

Firstly its got the biggest cocaine problem in the world. The drug dealers make 1 million Brazilian Reals (USD 600,00) a week. Yep, a week. How can you spot a drug dealer? Well according to our tour guide who turned around and said as a matter of factly ´Oh they are the guys with the machine guns, so no pictures please when you see them´. Gotcha, Thanks!

Next thing, ah twas was gas. There were about 14 of us,  johnny foreigners from all over the world on the Tour and we get to the entrance of the Favela reading to check it out. Next thing, Tour Guide dude says `right everyone,  so we get to the top of the favela in style´. We´re all looking around thinking grand yeah. Next thing 20 local favela knackers appear on the dodgiest looking decrepid motorbikes you´ve ever seen and yer man hands them 2 reals each (50 cent) and tells us to Hop on! We thought he was taking the mick. Nope.

There are about 14 dudes, oh such choice! So off Susie goes, picks some random dude who doesnt look too young (like its gonna make a difference) and throws her pasty white irish leg over some banjoed motorbike.  I heard later on Mal being the real gent he is let all the other tourists get on their bikes first and he was left stuck with this big fat dude ha ha.... sorry, I shouldnt laugh.

So off we SPED. Me and some random bloke. And, I mean sped, weeving in and out of traffic up this really steep hill to the top of the favela. Along the way a bike passes us out with a guy on the back with the dodgiest bleached red barnet that make me smirk until I saw he was holding a girnormous machine gun. There we were travelling paralell for about 100 metres. I mean its not like I can say ´whats the craic´ to him now is it?? The crazy journey took 10 mins-think a Nigerian shanty town and their traffic madness of  people walking in front of cars, bikes,animals on the road and of course the craic addicts. Nuts. I caught a glimpse of Mal on the back of his motorbike behind me and managed a brave but meek ´hellloooooo´ and we were off again. I reckon yer man went faster so I grabbed his waist. Ah gross!  We got there in one piece and laughed so hard at how crazy it was but relieved to be in one piece. and we hadnt even started the tour yet.

Anyway, we dusted ourselves down and started walking through the shanty town. My God, it was unreal. So poor. So filty but gorgeous people young and old all smiling. (except for the coke dealers, grrrr). I took loads of pics and will put a few up this week to show you what I mean. They are cute hoors though, Ill give them that. They tap into Rio´s electricity and water board amd dont pay a cent for it. They´ve also discovered free internet too! Theres no police force in the Favelas. Dont blame the Rio cops for staying away. Go and do a Favela Tour if you are in Rio. Its gift. PS. Bring a spare pair of undies!

Will write some more soon x